Big Brother

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO… My little sister just broke up with her boyfriend whom she claims is verbally abusive, and yet she still maintains contact with him. She always complains about how he’s always picking on her insecurities and belittling her and just reducing her to tears. And yet, when I offer to do something about it, she says that she can handle it on her own.

As her big brother, ideally I would like to beat her ex up, but I do not want to go to jail. But I just can’t stomach watching her get abused every time she chooses — unbelievably! — to interact with this loser. I have thought about just vaguely threatening her ex, but my friends tell me that I should respect her wish to handle this on her own and stay out of things.

However, I just can’t sit by on the sidelines and not do anything about it. Is there something I can do about the situation that doesn’t go against my sister’s wishes? Is there some way I can get rid of my anger without punching her ex’s face? –Khali

CHICO SAYS… Verbal abuse is every bit as destructive as its physical counterpart, with many arguing that it’s actually more insidious. Welts will heal as your body dictates, but the emotional scars linger way longer after they’ve overstayed their welcome.

Unfortunately, you can lead your sister to the solution, but you can’t make her swallow any pill she isn’t willing to take, no matter how good for her. Forcing her to stay away from this guy or threatening him are like band-aids on a gunshot wound.

Until she finds the resolve to do right by herself, I’m afraid all you can do is advise, then stand aside and watch from the sidelines.

DELAMAR SAYS… The real problem here is that your sister keeps coming back for more abuse.

Look, as much as you want to beat the guy up, the problem persists because she won’t cut ties with that jerk. So, the better question is how to make your sister see that what’s happening to her and what she’s allowing him to do to her.

She needs counseling or professional help! Get her to stop all interaction with him and the problem stops. Get her to watch videos, if any, on the internet and let her see what abuse looks like. She has to see that it’s the same thing that’s happening to her.

If she’s willing, have her go to counseling. Let her see the many possible ways that abuse can escalate too. Some women are permanently damaged physically with faces scarred and skin burned. Tell her that even if that’s physical abuse there are emotional scars left too and they are worse because the damage is much deeper. Scare her if you need to just get her away from him. Just remember that the best way to make the abuse stop is if your sister gets as far away from him as possible.

GINO SAYS… I totally get where you’re coming from. Though I don’t have a sister I can only imagine what it’s like to want to bash some dude’s face because he’s making your little sister, someone you care about deeply, go through so much pain, anguish and just generally making her cry.

But sadly there are just some things you cannot protect your loved ones from. Some experiences are there for her to go through on her own to help her grow and be stronger. You just have to believe that your sister is smart enough to make the choice to dump this loser and never talk to him again. Like the old saying goes, give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.

I know this is difficult for you, but this is her relationship, this is her life. She has to make the decisions on her own. Not to mention the aggravation it’d cause your sister and your family if you actually beat the guy up and he decides to press charges.

The best course of action for you is to TRY to talk some sense into your sister, make her see that she has other options out there and that she deserves better than her ex. You shouldn’t threaten the guy because he might just take it out on your sister and make things even worse. Let your sister know exactly what you think but let her make her own choice. Free will is what it’s all about after all right?

Uncut

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO… There was an obvious physical attraction from the very beginning for Finn and I, and we ended up seeing each other pretty regularly after we first met. He’s Swedish and his command of the English language isn’t great but we have worked around it.

As we’ve gotten more and more acquainted with each other, we’ve started talking about taking the relationship to a more physical level. Or at least he is, because I’m not as open-minded as I thought. It’s not that I disapprove of premarital sex, it’s just that over the course of our dating, I’ve found out that he isn’t circumcised -and I have to admit that it kinda freaks me out.

I’ve considered telling him that the only way I’ll be having sex with him is if he gets circumcised, but my friend tells me that that is a bad idea because it shouldn’t really matter.

Maybe it shouldn’t, but it does to me.

Is it wrong for me to ask my boyfriend to get circumcised? Should I just get over it? -Pinky

CHICO SAYS… I say take it or leave it. Your boyfriend’s body is his, and what he does with it is his business.

In many parts of the world, including the parts where he’s from, circumcision is considered some sort of mutilation. Generally only the Jews and the Catholics practice it, and mostly as a cultural habit more than anything.

Even if you ask doctors, you’ll get a mixture of answers of how it’s not really necessary to it’s mostly a matter of hygiene. Like I said, it’s mostly preference. You don’t HAVE to get one, you get one only if you want one (or in most cases, if your parents want you to get one). If he’s the sort who’s like some badass who has tattoos and piercings and is into all sorts of body modification, and to him getting circumcised is just another level of evolution, then go ahead, let him get one. But otherwise, asking him to get a circumcision so you’ll have sex with him is quite a sexual extortionist thing to do. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Imagine him telling you that the only way he’ll have sex with you is if you got boob implants, or if you got your face tattooed to make it look like a skull. It may sound ridiculous if I put it that way, but that’s basically what you’d be doing, asking him to surgically alter his body (involving a body part that just happens to be one that we men are VERY protective of) for the sole purpose of pleasing your Catholic aesthetics.

Whatever happened to loving you just the way you are (Bruno Mars is losing sleep halfway around the globe)? Again, if it’s absolutely no big deal for him, then go ahead, just make sure you understand what you’re asking of him. But otherwise, be reasonable.

Love him or leave him. Don’t force yourself to have sex with an uncircumcised man if it freaks you out, but don’t force him to get a circumcision just because you want it either. Get yourself a nice Jewish or Catholic guy instead.

DELAMAR SAYS… Yes, I think it IS wrong for you to ask your boyfriend to get circumcised before you have sex with him. It would be tantamount to him asking you to get a boob job first before he sleeps with you. When people can’t accept you for who you are, warts and all, then it’s not love. What does the song say? “When somebody loves you, it’s no good unless they love you all the way.“

I urge you to read up on circumcision, the history and how many cultures practice it and don’t practice it. Know what is at the heart of this issue. See what both sides have to say for and against `pagtutuli’. Read up on how much of the globe is into circumcision and how much isn’t and why. And yes, you will find that there are a lot of cultures that deem it as mere mutilation that has no bearing on cleanliness or the spreading of disease.

Circumcision is not the natural way, that is purely man-made, much like the piercings we have on our ears or the tattoos that we get on different part of our bodies. They are culturally determined but not necessarily medically sound. Some cultures will even argue that being circumcised puts men and women at a disadvantage sexually because men are desensitized and women suffer less orgasms because of it. That is the latest in the debate about whether circumcision is better or not.

Honestly, I think much of your dislike about it is preconceived. I don’t think you have any basis for liking it or not liking it except what you have been conditioned by our culture to like or dislike. Try it. That’s the only way you’ll know if you can even tell the difference.

Schlongs really start a lot of talk, and this is just circumcision! We haven’t even started talking about size and why (or why not) it matters. So many topics to cover! The upside is ­ it’s that time of your life when you’re about to find out a whole lot about it! Gather knowledge and use it wisely. And remember: if you can’t be good, be careful!

GINO SAYS… Outright can I just say I don’t think you should tell him that. In our country, being uncircumcised is obviously not the norm but you have to consider the fact that he’s not Filipino and this is not his country. Their culture is completely different from ours and you can’t tell him otherwise. Imagine him telling you not to pray, or not to do other “Filipino-isms“.

Now obviously, I’m not telling you that you should force yourself to sleep with him or something to that effect but sometimes our partners or the people we’re in a relationship with have their own imperfections. I’m not saying that being uncircumcised is an imperfection since this is totally acceptable in other cultures. But I guess the only thing you can really do is to accept it. I really think that it would be unfair of you to ask of him.

But then again if you really do like him or love him and at the same time you really can’t accept it, then you might as well just ask him about it rather than just cutting ties (no pun intended). Don’t demand for anything though. Who knows? Talking to him about it might just let him change his mind. They say that communication is the key to any relationship so if you stick by that, then I guess the best way is for you to talk to him.

Let You Hear That Body Talk

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO… Mary and I have been seeing each other over the past few months but we’ve been taking things slow. I had just ended a long-term relationship and didn’t want to get too involved too soon.
I’ve been thinking that Mary might just be the girl that I would want to be in a relationship with but during one of our dates, our talk drifted into the physical side of our relationship -we’ve only kissed, so far -and Mary told me that she’s still a virgin. This came as a surprise to me, since we’re both in our late 20s and I’m not a virgin, to say the least.

She’s expressed an interest in losing her virginity to me, and I must admit that I am feeling a little anxious about the prospect because I’ve never slept with a virgin before. There’s the obvious performance issues to deal with -what if I turn out to be a bad first time? I also worry that if we do end up doing the deed, she might start thinking what else is out there sexually and dump me for it. And that just compounds my performance anxiety. What should I do? -Jasper

CHICO SAYS… An agitated state is not exactly the optimum condition for being intimate, whether it’s with a virgin or not. Especially on your end, you seem to be having a lot of performance issues, so maybe you shouldn’t plan it too much. If it happens, then let it be something that naturally unfolds between two consenting adults.

Based on your ages, I assume that you both are well aware by now of the possible consequences of the sexual act, including pregnancy and contracting a cocktail of social diseases. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but such is the state of the sexual landscape in this era. Prudence proves to be quite the armor from the hostile conditions out there today.

But that aside, since I assume you don’t need a lecture on sexual health, don’t treat it like you’re about to hold a concert in a coliseum in front of an audience. The more you think about it, the more self-fulfilling your fears of crashing and burning will become.
You can only do so much with a wet noodle. Remember, you’re a lover, not a porn star, you don’t have to give an award-winning performance. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, don’t feel pressured to be the one to initiate her. If you have a choice, behave. If you can’t behave, be safe.

DELAMAR SAYS… Come on, man. Just do it. If you’ve decided that premarital sex is on the table (so to speak) then just do it like how you’ve done it countless times before but this time –WITH FEELINGS! Hahaha.

I just think that all this stuff about what if you don’t perform well and what if you did perform well and then she wants to try it out with other guys is really just the nerves. That’s all it is.

You know why? Because if you were to really think about it, there’s no winning it. It’s damned if you performed badly and it’s damned if you performed spectacularly. What’s the point in arguing those things? Will these things stop you from having sex with her? I don’t think so. So, it’s pretty useless to even start the reasons to do it or to not do it and the many what ifs. You’re going to have sex with each other anyway, correct? So, just do it! WITH FEELINGS! I know, I keep harping on the WITH FEELINGS-part but that’s really all that matters. Once you have sex with that, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you will have made your mark on a virgin…so to speak. I’m a girl and I know that the best sex that lingers is the one with feelings. I know it’s such a girl thing to say but here’s the brutal and ugly truth, it’s true! No matter how cool we may want to seem or no matter how different we may want to be, we want sex that means something. It really is the one that tugs at the heart that lingers…the one where you felt like one…the one that matters…the one that will be used as the standard of all other sexual encounters.

I’d be lying if I don’t admit that sometimes us girls just want pure animal sex with no emotional attachment too but that is a dime a dozen. The one that stands out is still the time when you feel one with your partner. The minute there is true physical connection or the minute you feel like your bodies are `talking’ and it moves you both in the direction of wanting to please each other sexually, it’s guaranteed to separate you from all other guys. Whether or not she has sex with other guys, she will always remember her first, second, third and nth time with you as long as you’re connected. Who knows you might be her first and last. That’s possible. It’s not guaranteed but it is possible.

It’s the totality of how you are together that will determine if you will stay together all the way to `I do“. That is not hinged solely on sex. But don’t even think about that right now. All that you should focus on, in my opinion is to get your bodies `’talking” about how much you want each other. Think of your desire for her. Think of how you want to please her and think of how you want her to please you. And then?
Just do it.

GINO SAYS… I honestly think that before anything should happen, you should at least be together as boyfriend and girlfriend (I’m not exactly a saint, but I at least think that should be a pre-requisite of sorts).

I also think you’re over-thinking things. You’re just looking at things from a totally different perspective.
Think about it this way, she has never slept with anyone else, thus there’s really no competition if you’re looking at it from a performance sort of perspective.

Basically you’re gonna be setting the standard so I really don’t think you should be too worried. Should the time ever come that it does happen, don’t overthink things because in situations like that, overthinking doesn’t really help.

I strongly believe that everything is amplified with strong emotions, so if you’re both really in love with each other, then it should be magical either way.

As for her looking to other people for sexual experience, that happens either way, bud. There’s always a danger of a person leaving you behind with or without sex. That’s where trust comes in, you just have to have faith that she’s not that kind of person.

In some situations using your brain isn’t exactly the best solution. This I think is one of those situations.

Feature: New Guy by Jaser A. Marasigan

Photo by Andrew Pamorada

BEFORE RX 93.1, Gino Quillamor planned on getting into the corporate world. His family would not warm up to the idea of him being a radio jock.

“They noticed I was taking a different path. And everybody shunned the thought of it,“ reveals Gino who got into theater acting via Repertory Philippines. He holds a Management degree from the Philippine School of Business Administration (PSBA).

Snagging the DJ job was totally unexpected. A housemate was auditioning for “Radio Idol,” the station’s radio reality search and Gino was asked to tag along, to be the driver, more precisely. “And then he said, while you’re at it, why don’t you bring a resume. I passed the auditions, I went through it and I ended up winning the thing,“ he relates.

From then on, he was given by RX an afternoon radio show to host.

Things started to happen fast. Before he knew it, Gino had moved out of his parents’ house after college and was using his first paycheck to pay for rent.

“I love my parents but it’s just that I value my independence. When I got my first paycheck, it was such a relief. I can actually pay for rent without even have to sell anything, like my body,“ he says with a laugh.

THE THIRD WHEEL

Joining The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar proved to bring big changes to Gino’s life. For one, he has to get up at 5 a.m. everyday to get to work on time.

“It’s so difficult to wake up, especially with my lifestyle. I don’t go out all the time but I’ve always slept really late. I just couldn’t sleep. There’s a lot of discipline in it. Obviously you can’t get hammered or drunk the night before. I used to not care because I used to host a radio show in the afternoon, so I would have enough time to recuperate and rest at home. But now, I actually need my brain tomorrow morning,“ shares Gino, who loves online video games and blogs about both the mundane and serious issues.

Gino claims he has already gotten used to the bantering and teasing.

“I was lucky enough to be bullied when I was a kid. I get used to be so pikon. I get into fights everyday. In school, my brother would literally see me running after a guy with a ballpen. I got used to being bullied so I can live with these two,“ he says of Chico and Delamar.

And being his mentors in a way, what has he learned from them? “I learned a little bit more of self-control. It’s very hard for me to be serious. They’re very responsible broadcasters. I’ve never thought of myself as a responsible broadcaster before,“ he says.

Gino’s Debut: Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR AND GINO… Jim and I have been friends for as long as I can remember, and we’ve seen each other through a lot.

We supported each other during our first heartbreaks, and cheered each other on whenever one of us passed a particular milestone in our lives.

In a few months, Jim will be embarking on another milestone as he is about to get married to his girlfriend of two years. I was excited at the prospect of attending his wedding along with my boyfriend until he confessed something to me during one drunken night out.

When the two of us were alone, he said that I was the one he loved and not his girlfriend. I laughed it off as drunken rambling, but he’s been consistent since then of professing his love for me.

I’ve rebuffed all of those declarations, and as far as I know I’ve never sent Jim any signals that I saw him as anything more than a friend. I feel like I should say something to his fiance, but am having second thoughts as she and I are not particularly close and she might take it the wrong way. Is this the right course of action, or should I just bite the bullet and make this revelation to Jim’s unlucky girlfriend? -Kate

CHICO SAYS… Seen through my personal life-experience goggles, Jim’s secret feelings is between you and him, just like the decision to proceed or postpone the wedding is between him and his fiancé. Your job is to make sure your friend knows you don’t feel the same way as he does about you. You can go further as to question the timing of his decision to marry someone else not because you’re interested, but because being in love with one and marrying another is usually a surefire recipe for marital disaster.

But like I said, you talk to him, not his fiance. I understand that you probably feel for the girl he’s about to marry, knowing that her future husband is in love with someone else, but you don’t know everything about the dynamics between them.

Remember the adage, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.“

Tell your friend everything that’s in your heart, including reservations you may have regarding their impending marriage, but you have to leave it to him to act accordingly. hopefully he chooses the higher road. You can lead the traveler to the crossroad, but you can’t decide his path for him. Once you’ve assured him that the feeling of romance is NOT mutual, you’ve done your part. You’ve done what is right, now it’s up to him to do the same.

DELAMAR SAYS… W h a t e v e r happened was between you and Jim. If he has long-held feelings all these years that have been kept unexpressed, that is surely between you and him. If there is anybody who will have to say something to the fiancé, it’s Jim not you. he’s the one in the relationship with her. That is between them. You don’t need to take on the responsibility of setting things right because it is not you who proposed to the girlfriend despite being in love with somebody else.

You telling the fiancé is really in love with you will put you in a very bad light. For one, it will seem like you’re trying to sabotage their relationship.

Second, the girl might even accuse you of secretly being in love with your friend and her boyfriend! This might backfire on you and tables could suddenly be turned ESPECIALLY if he denies ever having feelings for you in front of his fiancé! This is trouble you can avoid. It is needless to be caught in this drama that is not your own doing.

So my advice is, if it were me in your shoes, just stay out of it. You will get into a mess that is really somebody’s responsibility to clean up.

GINO SAYS… This is a pretty tough situation you’re in. It’s one of those irritatingly morally gray areas where there is just no clear cut line of what’s right and what’s wrong. So for whatever little consolation it might bring you, in the words of our hiphop brethren… I feel ya! have you tried talking to Jim? Being the best friend (which I hope you still are), you should be able to make him ascertain if he truly feels that way about you and that he’s not just getting his emotions mixed up. If he is sure about it, it’d be completely unfair to him and to his future bride-to-be. Judging on how long you guys have been friends and with how you treat each other (supporting each other through heartbreaks and all that) you should be able to have a fairly open conversation with him about it despite you being the subject of the matter.

In a perfect world, your initial idea of telling the fiance about it would’ve been acceptable. But unfortunately, we don’t live in one.

I honestly don’t think that this revelation should come from you, but from Jim should it ever boil down to that. I know this might seem a little negligent perhaps even cold to some but some battles are just not yours to fight. No matter how good your intentions are, telling the fiance what Jim’s feelings are will most probably just rub off on her the wrong way.

Feature: Three-Way Radio by Jaser A. Marasigan

From chicogarcia on Instagram

You probably listen to them on your way to school, while on the bus or FX on the way to work, or while driving to wherever. Every single weekday morning.

Indeed for most people, The Morning Rush, airing on Monster Radio RX 93.1, has become a habit, much like drinking coffee or reading the newspaper.

The unflappable chemistry between deejays Chico Garcia and Delamar Arias, and their amusing antics and witty banters have made them one of the most well-loved tandems on radio, and The Morning Rush as one of the longest-running programs on FM radio, a top-rater, and most awarded, at that.

It was Chico and Delamar who started the talk trend on FM radio. Since then, they have been bringing their listeners crazy and outrageous top 10 lists such as “Top 10 Dramatic Things Parents Say to Make Their Kids Feel Guilty” or the “Top 10 Signs That You’re a Poser” recently compiled in a book called “The Best of Chico and Delamar’s The Morning Rush Top 10”. They also dish advice on their weekly newspaper column “He Says, She Says” (in this section)!

And as if the Chico and Delamar tandem was not enough, they dashed the show with additional craziness with Gino Quillamor now on board.

The Students and Campuses Bulletin sat down with the new trio who talked about how the radio show has evolved since the first time it went on air in July 1996, and yes, discovered some more awesomeness that only Chico and Delamar — and now Gino — can deliver.

STUDENTS AND CAMPUSES BULLETIN (SCB): Whose “fault’’ is it that Gino is now on The Morning Rush?

CHICO: The general rule is, usually it’s a guy and a girl. Kung sino ‘yung absent, you replace it with the same gender. Kaya si Gino ‘yung pinalit (laughs).

GINO: Because obviously Delle was a guy (laughs).

CHICO: They put him with me instead of a girl. And then they started calling us Chichi and Gigi. It was that!

DELAMAR: We’ve had Brad Turvey and Karen Pamintuan before in the show, and Radio One DJs would help us. There were times that we would do three people na. But nothing as regular as this.

GINO: Honestly, I’ve always been scared of Delle. There’s so much respect. I listen to them when I was still a student. I was about first year high school (laughs). I never actually thought it would work also because of the generation gap, different interests. Chico’s a little bit geeky and has his comic book thing. Delle is geeky in another way, with English and grammar-nerdy. And Chico is weird (laughs).

SCB: Gino, did you have to do most of the adjusting?

GINO: That’s true. I have to get used to with the bitchiness and their evil ways because I was raised as a very proper boy and now that I’m part of the show, I should lower my moral standards (laughs).

CHICO: We also have to get used to the lying (laughs). It takes a lot of getting used to.

DELAMAR: And the denial (laughs).

GINO: Which obviously I picked up from listening to you guys. (laughs) It’s difficult because you have two really opinionated people, and you have to ease your way into that to be able to share what’s in your head also.

SCB: What is Gino bringing into the show then?

GINO: A whole level of wholesomeness. (laughs)

DELAMAR: The bullying is new (laughs). I think it’s just the new personality and how it blends with the personalities you already know. There’s a twist now and it’s been working for us very well.

GINO: Like with the rap-off, it only started out because we were greeting and I remember not putting background music while he was greeting. I started beat boxing and he started greeting in rap. All of a sudden, we came up with the Epic Rap-off because people were saying astig ‘yung rap greeting, why don’t you try like actually rapping. If you think about it, if you make a fool out of yourself, it works, because you’re bound to make someone laugh.

15 YEARS AND STILL COUNTING

SCB: Aren’t you scared that the show is aging, or perhaps you guys have been there for too long already?

DELAMAR: Before I had gotten pregnant, we kept having good shows. There wasn’t anything wrong. But with the addition of Gino, you can’t ever say even if some things are already working, that you can’t improve. Apparently you can still improve it. It’s a different flavor. As it turned out, this was the thing that made it so different on our 15th year.

GINO: Because they added awesomeness to the show (laughs).

DELAMAR: It was a big year for us. There was the grand EB that we’ve never done before. There was the book. There was the pregnancy.

SCB: How has motherhood changed you, Delle?

DELAMAR: It’s pretty big. I was just single for too long. No responsibilities. All your money, all your time, you can just go out every night if you want, do anything you want. If I want to go somewhere, all I have to do is pay for the ticket and I’m there. Since being a mom, I’ve become grounded. I feel very different because as a human being, something big happened to me. I’m not the same Delle I know I used to board. And I’m coming back to a very different dynamics. I feel a difference in me and how I do the show. I can’t tell you exactly what kasi hindi ko pa rin siya ma-process. I guess I’m just a lot more motherly.

SCB: Fifteen years! How have you maintained the interest of listeners and at the same time, attract new and younger ones?

CHICO: Because we’re open to a lot of things. Sometimes you don’t know what will work or not. Sa totoo lang, everyone was kind of scared of the idea of putting Gino there. Gino is a strong personality already and the general wisdom is, you put him on his own show. But it’s being open to everything. Nobody thought of it, kahit nung nandyan na si Gino. It was the people who started texting na. If you know what people are talking about, you’re listening to what they’re interested in. You listen to what they want to hear on the radio.

GINO: People started saying na, what if you put three girls in one show (laughs).

THE MAKING OF THE DYNAMIC DUO

SCB: Do you still remember the first time you guys went on board together?

CHICO: It was the old school jock and newscaster. She just goes there for news. You don’t talk about what’s happening in politics and entertainment. It wasn’t really planned. They put us together because they started noticing it works.

SCB: And then you just became friends along the way?

CHICO: Along the way. But not initially. Kasi nga very opinionated people kaya nag-aaway on air. A lot of people think it was sadya, and they were enjoying it. Eto na ‘yung dalawa. It was real at that time, talagang we would argue on the smallest things. That was also the thing that got people interested initially.

SCB: What was the most serious fight you guys ever had?

DELAMAR: It’s a high pressure job. If you have strong personalities, it’s almost impossible to never fight. That’s why at the beginning of the relationship, it was a fight. I wouldn’t back down. Many fights especially during the first couple of years kasi it’s hard to do a partnership when you’re used to being a solo DJ. There were rules that were being formed, and sometimes at a painful cost. Minsan hindi talaga kami nag-uusap ng dalawang linggo, but still doing the show. So we’ll be talking on the air, but off the air there’s silence.

SCB: So how do you patch things up?

DELAMAR: Sometimes you just talk it out. Sometimes you just let it slide. Or wait until both of you cool down and just ignore it and keep it under the rug. Sometimes there’s no need to say anything. It’s hard kasi he was already doing his morning show for five years, and imagine, I come along, and then I’m fighting for my 50 percent of the show. What we didn’t know, dahil dalawa lang kayo, you have to be unanimous in everything you do. Both of us have to learn na, either both of us agree or it doesn’t make it to the air. Sometimes it’s something you need to talk about, but most of the time you just have to let it go. The next day you’re fine, you can do the show like nothing happened.

CHICO: Before we really didn’t know how to read each other. Suddenly from complete strangers, araw-araw magkasama kayo. You have to do everything together, you’re forced to deal with each other on a daily basis.

DELAMAR: I wanted to do newscasting but on TV, like a serious journalist. But it was fun here. I really like the job. But I remember thinking to myself, what will I do. For years ganito na ang gagawin ko? I wanted to resign. But at the time I was resigning, Chico’s dad had just died, he was on leave. The station manager had already been planning to talk to us to put us together in a show. You won’t be a newscaster anymore, you’re the first female on-air DJ, and then we’re gonna give you a raise. Ok then, let’s do it!

CHANGING TIMES

SCB: The impression of the listeners is that DJ work is a purely fun job, they don’t realize that there’s a lot of pressure that comes with it too?

DELAMAR: Our work entails us to have fun for four hours. But that fun has so many contracts on top of it. We’re talking of commercials that cost millions, clients, and listeners who have been with you for so long. There’s so much pressure. And if you have reached a certain level of popularity, the pressure is to maintain the quality. It is fun but there’s a whole light of business on the side that’s happening. The good thing I think is, the ribbing makes up to all the pressure.

GINO: I think one of the toughest things about this job is, most people don’t realize it’s kind of difficult to talk and to be entertaining for four hours. It entails a lot of wit and thinking. It entails a lot of divulging your personal life to a certain extent. When you’re working behind the desk and you’re having a bad day, it’s fine, you don’t have to smile or be happy to anyone. Whereas with this job, no matter how terrible of a day you’ve been having, you have to leave all of that outside the door, and then just be happy for everyone else.

SCB: Gino, have you gotten the hang of boarding with these two already?

GINO: There’s still always room for improvement. I love hanging out with them no matter how bitchy and annoying they may be sometimes (laughs).

CHICO: A lot of people are kind of scared to board with us. But with Gino, because he’s pushy (laughs), he’s fearless in that way, and it works. Kunwari we say something, he’s not afraid to agree or disagree. ‘Yung pagiging douche niya really benefits the show (laughs).

DELAMAR: You really have to be quick kasi mabilis talaga ‘yung palitan. And sometimes because people respect us a little bit too much or a little intimidated to come into the duo, they don’t know whether to watch or to join. Even we have to be on our toes all the time. That’s what really is the show in the morning is, you really have to pick people up. He was the one who could get into it. He was swimming as fast.

SCB: You guys have been friends for a long time, are there still new things that you discover about each other?

CHICO: You evolve, so every time you discover something new. That’s also what makes the show fresh, we’re also growing. The Chico and Delamar of the 90’s is very different from the Chico and Delamar today.

Before laughter wasn’t really done on radio, we laugh a lot. Nila-love team kami, obviously now they know hindi pwede. We’re not the same people. Since pumasok si Gino, naging bastos na ‘yung theme ng show (laughs).

DELAMAR: Nagulat lang ako na bumigay ‘yung dalawa. ‘Yun ang pinaka big surprise sa akin (laughs).

CHICO: Pag may mga landian on air, hindi kasama ‘yung babae (laughs).

GINO: It’s so weird (laughs).

DELAMAR: I was getting a lot of emails, kailan ka babalik? Kasi bumigay na ‘yung dalawa (laughs). I guess people were very curious as to how it would be if tatlo na kami. Everybody wanted to know how different it would sound with Chico, Del and Gino.

CHICO: It’s like four shows. Chico and Del, there’s a flavor to that. Chico and Gino, there’s a different flavor to that. If the two of them were to board, that’s going to be a different flavor. If it’s the three of us, it’s another flavor. That’s also one exciting thing. And if you go for a vacation, di ka ma-stress because there’s two other people left behind to do the show. It’s a little bit comfortable for us.

SCB: Does that mean that radio is alive and well?

CHICO: Radio is an exciting industry. It may be the smallest brother in the big family of media but it’s exciting. At the onset of the iPod generation, they were already saying that radio was dead. I think radio has proven as an industry that it’s not the case.

They say it’s different when you do it on your iPod, pero iba pa rin daw ‘yung thrill when you hear it on the radio. It was played just for you, and the jock will dedicate the song for you. Of course, there’s the talk part, you don’t get that from you iPod. Until now, the one thing we can offer that iPods and other MP3 players that can’t offer are the personalities.

Objectionable Behavior

DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR… My boyfriend and I just recently got a job and so far we’ve been adjusting pretty well. My boyfriend has been making new friends, one of them is Jon with whom we went on a double date with, along with his girlfriend Gen.

I was very uncomfortable throughout the entire date because Jon wasn’t exactly the model boyfriend. He was very verbally abusive towards Gen, was very controlling about everything. She never got to speak up the entire time and never got to make any decisions of her own. I asked around and it seems I’m not the only one who has observed this.

My boyfriend said that I should keep myself out of other people’s business. I suggested that we stop seeing Jon as often instead, but my boyfriend said that it would be rude. I’m frankly shocked that my boyfriend is much more concerned about that, and am now having second thoughts about our relationship. Is it unreasonable to think of this as a relationship deal breaker? Should I really not do anything about Jon and the way he treats his girlfriend? -Lana

CHICO SAYS… I agree with your boyfriend that you ought to keep yourself out of their business. Not to sound harsh, but this is between them, and unless he’s keeping her in his company against his will, she is free to leave anytime. Besides, you just met them.

I’m not saying the behavior is acceptable, but usually people aren’t very receptive to strangers telling them how to go about their relationship. If you’re really concerned about the girl, then maybe you can strike up a friendship with her first and see if you can get close enough to give her your two cents worth on the matter.

But personally, I’d keep out of it. Like I said, she needs to figure this out for herself. Short of needing police assistance in the imminent danger of the abuse turning physical, usually you can only leave trails for her to follow, but she needs to make this decision mostly on her own.

Would you be wrong to actively pursue this if your heart tells you to? Of course not, you can always give unsolicited advice if this is what your heart screams, but I’m just telling you be prepared to be told to mind your own business.

But I do agree with you that it’s a bit disturbing that your boyfriend does not share your objection to the awful treatment Jon gives his girlfriend. It’s one thing to publicly be chums with him, but between you two, in the privacy of your one-on-one conversations, and if your account is accurate, then he should at least agree that there is some form of injustice here.

If he found nothing wrong with the treatment that you found so foul, then I’d be wary if I were you. I’m not saying that you should break up at once, but I agree that it merits further investigation.

I always hear people say that when looking for a life partner, see how they treat people “lower” than them, like household help or drivers or waiters. They say how this person treats them is their true character, and that it will eventually trickle down to you. Maybe not now, when he’s putting his best foot forward, but much later on, when he lets his guard down and exposes his true colors.

Your situation reminds me of this. I’m not saying your boyfriend will do the same to you, but it’s disturbing that he sees nothing wrong with behavior you find so objectionable. I suggest you dig deeper and talk further. Is he sticking by the guy for the sake of office politics and not wanting to rock the boat? Or does he truly find nothing wrong with his officemate’s behavior?

Try to see where this ambivalence is stemming from. For me the difference between the two is substantial. Once you get your answer, then make your decision. The things you find out about your potential husband, both good and bad, are what you use to help you decide if this is the guy for you or not. Find out soon, for your sake.

DELAMAR SAYS… It really is not your business. Jon and his girlfriend have made the decision to be together. His girlfriend has decided to stay with him for whatever reason and although you may find that “wrong”, it is HER decision.

She is not a child who cannot make her own decisions. She is a grown up who will steer her life the way she wants and in whatever direction she wants. If you try to “save” her from her boyfriend you will be meddling and you might end up being the villain hindering their twisted love. If the girl was your friend that would be a different story. You would know more about the girl and her decision. You would probably know too if she needs help and you would just be more in a position to help if help really was indeed needed.

If this really bothers you, next time you see her, ask her if she’s okay with how her boyfriend treats her. Tell her that if she ever needed a friend to come talk to you. It’s a way to tell her that she’s not alone. But leave it be should she ever answer like you are over stepping your boundaries.

If you don’t want to hang around Jon and his girlfriend that is your choice. However, if you are right about the situation and she really does need a friend you’ll be in a better position to help if you were around her more. I suppose this is a delicate balance of not meddling but making sure that if you are needed you are just there.

Do you really want to break up with your own boyfriend over this? Is this really something that threatens your own relationship? If ever, I think this opens up an avenue to know more about each other and how you both handle difficult situations together. But breaking up over this seems like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

This says something about your own love for your boyfriend if something like this makes you summarily ditch your boyfriend. He is not your enemy. You just don’t like the friend he’s made. But he hasn’t really done anything wrong by you. Situations like this gives you an opportunity to talk things through with him about important issues, not give up on him before he’s really done anything bad. The battle hasn’t really started and you’ve already given up on your own relationship. Why is that?